When I graduated from college and started looking for a job, I had a number of ideals in mind. I wanted a job that paid well, of course, but I was looking for more than that. I wanted a job that would entertain me; I wanted it to challenge me, but not overwhelm me. I was lucky in that I found a job that gave me all of these things, and I rarely have cause to complain about it. Every once in a while, though, I come across a sign that there are better jobs for me out there, and I wonder if I should go in search of them.

Most recently, I've encountered a study by a group of folks at the University of Montreal demonstrating that caffeine keeps you awake. They co-opted 24 volunteers, made them stay awake for a day, and then fed half of them caffeine pills three hours before allowing them to go to sleep. Shockingly, those who took the stimulant were less able to sleep than those who did not.

"Caffeine is the most widely used stimulant to counteract the effects of sleepiness, but it also produces important detrimental effects on subsequent sleep," says the abstract. To me -- and admittedly, I am not a scientist -- that shouldn't really be a "but" there; it should be an "and" or possibly a "so naturally." To my layman's eye, that sentence essentially reads, "Caffeine keeps you awake, but can also keep you awake."

I'm wondering if there are any openings in the tautological research field. This is the sort of work I could really sink my teeth into. I've got some ideas lined up already. For my first study, I'd investigate whether pushing on the gas pedal in a car makes you go faster, not just now, but also after you've stopped pressing down on the pedal. I'll have one group sit in the car while it's in drive and press the gas for ten seconds, and the other group not press the gas. Then, I'll measure the speed of the car in each case after thirty seconds. I don't want to tell you my hypothesis just yet; you'll have to wait for me to publish, so you can see my results for yourself!

I found particular hope in a sentence in an article discussing this study: "Her study builds on recent findings that reducing coffee consumption is the best way to improve sleep for the middle-aged." The implication here, if not the outright assertion, is that this is but one of many studies demonstrating that when you take coffee to wake you up, it keeps you awake. This means that once I get my doctorate in tautology, I won't even need to keep coming up with groundbreaking studies like "accelerating adds to your speed." I can get paid to cross-check and confirm the results of other tautologists!

I don't want to rush right into this career change; I think I'll take a day to think it over, maybe sleep on it tonight. And I know now I'll be better off doing that without the aid of coffee. Thanks, science!

Mood of the Moment: jubilant
Auditory Hallucination: Beck -- E-Pro