This just in: health professionals feel that intentionally infecting yourself and your loved ones with H1N1, no longer called "swine flu" due to a profusion of bad jokes, is not a good plan. Other activities these health professionals recommend you avoid: licking turtles to build up a resistance to salmonella, poking yourself in the eye to build up a resistance to blunt trauma, spending five years building up a resistance to iocaine powder.

The basic idea is not actually as stupid as it sounds. Essentially, the theory goes like this: the swine flu, despite all of the hype, is not all that dangerous right now, but it could theoretically come back in a more virulent form. However, if you've already had the disease, you'll be resistant to it when it comes back. It's the same concept as vaccinations, except if they were crossed with Russian Roulette.

I'm not entirely certain why people think that H1N1 is likely to come back in a deadlier form; the argument seems to be that in 1918, a flu strain that also had a catchy name did that, so obviously it'll probably happen this time, too. It's possible that there's a better reason than this, but given the amount of fear and paranoia already attached to this virus, I'm assuming there isn't.

That said, I'm totally in favor of people having swine flu parties to catch the disease, if they think that's a good idea. I don't have the slightest idea whether they're right about it protecting them or not, but it doesn't actually matter. There are only three possible outcomes: it hurts them, it helps them, or it has no effect at all.

In the first case, where it has no effect at all, then nothing was lost, and at least they had a party. Clearly, there's no adverse effect here. In the second case, where early exposure makes them more resistant to a later, harsher strain, then these forward-thinking people are more likely to survive, while those who scoffed at them die off. Genetically speaking, that means that these beneficial traits will be more likely to be passed on, which is good.

And in the final scenario, where these folks sicken and die from their H1N1 parties, then it's the reverse of the previous: they're removing stupid genes -- that's the scientific term, mind you -- from the general population, to the benefit of us all. So it's a win-win situation, at least in the broad view.

That said, you might want to be careful about any seemingly random parties you get invited to in the near future. At the very least, shy away from the dip.

Mood of the Moment: good
Auditory Hallucination: Nine Inch Nails -- March of the Pigs