I had a very strange dream this morning -- and you were in it. The content of the dream wasn't all that odd; the most outlandish part was probably that my parents' dog was for some reason dressed up in a bear costume, which isn't all that bizarre compared to many I've had. The strange part is how realistic it seemed. Usually, I'm at least tangentially aware that I'm dreaming; this is why it annoys me so much that I so rarely manage lucid dreaming. Things will happen that I recognize as being patently unreal, and I'll think, "Ah, I must be asleep" -- yet I'll continue to let the dream unfold without taking an active part.

This one, however, seemed completely real to me, to the point that when I woke up and discovered that it was not 11:30, my first two thoughts were, "Hey, I guess I'm not late for work after all!" and "My car's probably not in Falls Church, either." Both of these were good things to realize; I'd been extremely puzzled about how my car had ended up in Falls Church, since I knew I'd had it yesterday, and I really couldn't remember driving out there. It took me a few minutes to accept that it was really only 7 AM, too.

I'm hoping that this doesn't become a regular occurrence; I'll have to start paying a lot more attention to my life if it does. Every once in a while, I'll remember something and be unsure of whether it was something that really happened, or just something I dreamed about. In order to resolve the confusion, I search the immediate context of the memory for something that I remember identifying as impossible, thus making the memory part of a dream. If I can't recollect anything like that, I generally assume it really happened. This only occurs occasionally, and usually over minor stuff, so it's not a terribly important thing to know in any case -- except for the fact that I like to be able to distinguish between reality and imagination. It's just sort of a quirk I have. If more of my dreams start masquerading as reality, I won't have this convenient marker, and I'll have to stop depending on my ability to reason my way out of ambiguous memories.

---

A few of my friends have posted this meme, and it amuses me, so I'm borrowing it. I wasn't a huge fan of the original version, but I like this variant:

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want —- good or bad -— BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

Tags: dreams, memes
Mood of the Moment: dreamy
Auditory Hallucination: The Timelords -- Dr. Who Theme

It's nearly Thanksgiving again, the beginning of the American season of glut and guilt. Glut, because it marks the time when people start eating far too much food just because it's there, all the time swearing that this year they're not going to gain ten pounds between now and Christmas. And guilt, because while Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to consider the good things in your life, it often carries an undercurrent of "Think of all the people who are worse off than you -- now quit whining about your insignificant problems!"

For people who spend all their time whining about their problems, I suppose this is a good message -- or would be, if they'd quit whining long enough to hear it. Most of the people I know aren't really that self-pitying, though. They recognize that many things in their lives are good, even great, and don't need to be reminded to take stock of these things. And maybe they don't mind being told to keep their problems to themselves, but personally, I enjoy a good "poor me" every once in a while.

I understand that my life is, by pretty much every measure, fantastic. I have a large and varied circle of friends, both online and off, who are witty and intelligent and fun to associate with. I have a wonderful job, which pays me well to do what I like. I'm dating an incredible woman. And, in what seems to be the true rarity, I like my extended family. I look forward to the holidays where I get to see them; my sisters, my cousins, my parents, my aunts and uncles and grandparents -- every one of them is not only likeable, but brilliant and weird in the best ways. I couldn't have picked a better group of people to be related to.

And yet...I still like this meme.

Here's the deal: it's very nearly Thanksgiving. You're probably going to be sitting around the table shortly, staring at relatives you see once or twice a year, and someone's going to say, "Okay, everyone: what are you thankful for this year?"

You're going to look around at all these people who you only technically know, run through the list of stuff you're actually thankful for, and then say, "I'm thankful for family, friends, and all this good food and the hard work that went into it." Meanwhile, you're never able to admit to the things that you're actually thankful for, like the fact that you just ran into some guy you hated in high school while you were picking up lunch at the McDonald's drive-thru.

Here's your chance! Click the anonymous button and tell us all what you're really thankful for. You know you want to. Get it off your chest, and when you say the same insipid, "I'm thankful we could all be here again this year," to your family tomorrow night, know that for once you were able to admit what you're actually thankful for.

And if you want to put nice things that you wouldn't mind admitting around the dinner table here, go right ahead -- I won't stop you. I'm thankful for the reminder that not everyone's as cynical as I am.

Tags: memes
Mood of the Moment: happy
Auditory Hallucination: Flogging Molly -- May the Living Be Dead

After Bush's speech on Iraq the other night, I overheard one girl online say: "Well, I always supported the war, but my heart just about stopped when I heard my boyfriend was being deployed to Iraq. Now I'm really not sure." This sort of attitude bugs me; it indicates that the speaker chooses, as much as possible, to ignore the surrounding world and only focus on the things that it can't be denied have a direct impact.

Clearly, the way to shake people out of this attitude is to make them realize that quite a lot has a bearing on their lives, more than they're currently admitting. I was thinking about how best to do this, and I've come up with an interesting, although not novel, answer: institute mandatory military service in America.

I've argued against this in the past, because I'm not sure it's a great thing for the military. However, I think it would be an excellent way to make people wake up and realize that global politics do affect their everyday lives. When everyone knows someone who's got the potential to be sent to a war zone, it's a lot harder to shrug off headlines about how another roadside bomb killed another few Marines. Maybe people would pay more attention to the details about their commander-in-chief if they were more personally involved.

"Mandatory" needs to be defined, of course. There are always exceptions, for mental or physical disabilities and the like. Higher education should allow people to delay their service, but not avoid it entirely. However, "silver spoon stuck in mouth" should not be a valid medical excuse to avoid service. There'll always be some who manage to buy their way out, to pull strings and get cushy assignments, but if structured properly it should be possible to minimize that sort of thing.

It's possible that people will simply put in their years and, upon leaving the service, fall back into the current thinking of "If I don't look at the problem, it can't see me either." However, I think there's a good chance that having spent a couple of years knowing that politicians' bickering and backdoor deals affect their lives very directly, they'll be more mindful of the more indirect effects in the rest of their lives.

As with so many good ideas, this law would never pass because people would rise up against it. "How dare you conscript my son, my daughter! They're special! Let someone else fight the wars; I only elected you, I shouldn't have to worry about the consequences of your mistakes!" Maybe someone can sneak it in as a rider on a bill somewhere. Wouldn't that be a fun headline the next morning?

---

Oh, fine; everyone else already has one.

Tags: brilliant ideas, bush, memes, musings, politics
Mood of the Moment: contemplative
Auditory Hallucination: Télépopmusik -- Breathe

I've come up with a brilliant new way to get rid of telemarketers. The "Do Not Call" list is all well and good, but it doesn't block many sorts of calls. Therefore, my nightly entertainment of finding ways to amuse, alarm, or otherwise throw off telemarketers continues.

Given that telemarketers just have a name and a number in front of them, they could be calling anywhere -- a home, a business, a porn shop, anything. I've taken to claiming that they've reached a radio station, Y101 by preference because I figure that most of them don't listen to that and won't know that I'm not a DJ there. As long as it's said with the right tone of incredulity -- "Sir, you do know you've called a radio station, right?" -- it's very believable, and it's completely not handled by their script. I've only gotten to use it once so far, but the woman's response was simply, "...Oh." We shared a laugh, and I asked her if she had any requests. She didn't, so we went our separate ways, her to harass more people and me not to be harassed.

---

I'm trying to blah blah blah Livejournal friends blah blah generic text blah blah map - yadda yadda yadda your location blah blah blah. Username: (blahdy blah spread the meme blah)

</center>

Far be it from me to let a meme die out -- if you haven't already mapped yourself on this, there's no time like the present!

Tags: brilliant ideas, funny, memes, phones
Mood of the Moment: amused
Auditory Hallucination: Warren Zevon -- Werewolves of London

It's nearly time for Halloween, and since I won't actually be going trick-or-treating, I figured I'd do it virtually instead. First, I hit the houses of the people who live somewhat near me, or at least who used to:

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
baronmind goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as the Marquis de Carabas.
atommoore gives you 9 light yellow coconut-flavoured gummies.
copernichris gives you 10 orange strawberry-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
ddr_ho gives you 5 orange grapefruit-flavoured gummy bears.
eirle gives you 9 orange raspberry-flavoured gumdrops.
jumpintheleaves gives you 17 teal apple-flavoured gummy bats.
misirlou gives you 13 light yellow grapefruit-flavoured pieces of taffy.
pneuros gives you 2 purple grapefruit-flavoured gummy bats.
rosalindarden tricks you! You get a pencil.
sleepinbeauty tricks you! You get a button.
zeroband gives you 12 yellow spearmint-flavoured gummies.
baronmind ends up with 77 pieces of candy, a pencil, and a button.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

It wasn't a bad haul, especially since that pencil that snapedinhalf gave me can replace one of my mechanical pencils that's disappeared after D&D. But then I thought, 'I'm trick-or-treating on the internet, and I only went to local houses?' So I decided to go check out some of the more recent additions to my friends list, and see how I fared there.

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
baronmind goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as the Marquis de Carabas.
alpheratz tricks you! You get a rotten egg.
badhbhcatha gives you 6 red-orange cinnamon-flavoured gummy bears.
blindlavender gives you 19 mauve chocolate-flavoured hard candies.
cheekyweebisom tricks you! You get a pen cap.
cultofisis gives you 10 light yellow watermelon-flavoured pieces of chewing gum.
heartlessempath gives you 4 tan cola-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
jennielynn1127 gives you 1 red-orange orange-flavoured gumdrops.
misscam gives you 14 dark blue spearmint-flavoured gummy worms.
sabonasi gives you 17 red-orange blueberry-flavoured gummy bears.
skos gives you 19 light orange tropical-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
baronmind ends up with 90 pieces of candy, a rotten egg, and a pen cap.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

As long as the rotten egg didn't spill on the rest of my candy, this trip was even better! Mmm...Halloween candy. Thanks for the sugar rush -- you guys all rule. Hope you're all ready for Halloween tomorrow!

Tags: halloween, memes
Mood of the Moment: amused
Auditory Hallucination: Sucrovore

A number of years ago, I was looking at the serious illnesses and deaths in my family, and I noticed something disturbing. Rather than the expected variety of diseases, it looks like this:

• great-aunt: spinal cancer (fatal)
  
• great-aunt: cancer (fatal)
  
• great-uncle: cancer (fatal)
  
• dad's father: cancer (fatal)
  
• mother: skin cancer (in remission)
  
• uncle: cancer (currently in treatment)

That's not a particularly reassuring thing to see on your family tree. On the one hand, it takes a lot of the guesswork out of it: I don't have to look out for strokes, or degenerative bone diseases, or any of those. On the other hand, cancer of any sort is a pretty nasty thing to have -- if you've ever watched someone go through chemotherapy, as I did with my mother, you'll be able to sympathize. If you've actually had to go through it yourself, then you'll be able to understand better than I do.

I noticed this trend a while back, but I've failed to really do anything about it. My sister, on the other hand, is a much wiser person, and is actively working to further cancer treatment research. Most recently, she's signed up to participate in a marathon to raise money for this research. Although there probably aren't many of you with as many cancer deaths in your family as us, it's likely that most of you know someone who had, or still has, cancer. If you're able, please donate. If not, I'd appreciate any help in spreading the word about this; linking to Jessica's site in your blog would be fantastic, or letting me know other places I could find a receptive ear. My mother is alive today because of the advances that have already been made in cancer treatment, but I remember what a painful and grueling process it was just to watch, and I remember the depressingly low odds of survival the doctors gave her. Even now, it's not technically gone -- only in remission. Help find a cure.

---

That's your dose of rationality for today. Now for the irrationality:

Also, taken from over skos's way: Name That Beard!

Tags: about me, death, memes
Mood of the Moment: hopeful
Auditory Hallucination: DDR -- Break Down

Less than two weeks to go, and I'm trying to finalize a guest list for the Halloween party. Help me out here:

Poll #193941 Halloween Party
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

I'm having a Halloween party starting at 7 PM on Friday, October 31. Are you coming?

Important facts about the party:

• Costumes are mandatory. If you show up without a costume, we have the right to give you one, such as "Naked Chick" or "The Human Piñata."
  
• The party is open to anyone, but as I'm trying to get some idea of how many people are going to be there, please let me know how many people you're planning on bringing with you. You can leave a comment or email me.
  
• There will be snacks, but alcohol is more or less BYOB. I'm sure there will be enough alcohol there for you to trade or even bum some off of other people, though.

That ought to about cover it. If you tell me you're coming and don't show up, I reserve the right to not only talk about you during the party, but also to submit your email address to porn sites and the Republican Party mailing list.

I can't imagine that this would influence your decision to attend the party, but just in case:

	

	

	

				
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How sexually compatible with me are you?
Take the NEW sexual compatibility quiz at LJMatch!

You can find the non-sexual compatibility one here, if you prefer.

Tags: daily life, good quotes, halloween, memes, polls
Mood of the Moment: good
Auditory Hallucination: Nightmare Before Christmas -- This is Halloween

I've been trying to cut back on number of quizzes and other non-content entries posted lately, but this one just made me laugh. This is the best sentence I've seen derived from my name since "I'm a jam sandwich bender."

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking across the tundra, clutching an oversized scalpel, cometh Micah! And he gives a mighty bellow: "I'm going to smack you so thoroughly, it will be a new form of crime!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings: powered by monkeys

( Here are my alter-egos' battle cries. )

Tags: funny, memes
Mood of the Moment: happy
Auditory Hallucination: Genesis - That's All

This is one of the more accurate quizzes I've found. Of course, I might just think that because it gave me an answer I liked. Hmm...giving me "The Mirror" because it's what I wanted to see -- there's something inherently amusing about that.

Tags: memes
Mood of the Moment: busy
Auditory Hallucination: Here Comes the Rain Again

I found this over in a friend's journal, and it seems to be a fun sort of Friday activity. Here's the deal: I post several movie quotes, and you guess what movie they're from. You in turn post more quotes, and I (and other people) guess those, and so on. Try not to read other people's answers before you post your own.

So, starting things off:

1: "Wow, Mark, you play a pretty mean guitar, man! It's too bad that now you must die!"
2: "I said you move and you're dead!" "And I say, I'm dead...and I move."
3: "Okay, I'll bet the rabbit gets fucked." "What, proper fucked?"
4: "Why don't I draw a line down the center of your head and make it LOOK like a butt?"
5: "Good...bad...I'm the guy with the gun."
6: "You're all going to die down here."

Tags: memes
Mood of the Moment: happy
Auditory Hallucination: Gob - Give Up the Grudge

DISCLAIMER: For the second day in a row, I've chosen to simply post about the same thing this guy Evan has in his blog, rather than come up with something original. However, I will again attempt to package it up in an interesting discussion of why it's important to me, thus making my content-theft acceptable.

Well, Bush has once again proven himself to be even more stupid than we gave him credit for. In the two days since his "bring 'em on" comment, we've had another 2 U.S. casualties and 4 more injuries, bringing the total dead since the war stopped to 73. 30 of these are directly related to the continued attacks.

However, having this man running the country is not the most frightening thing currently happening. What's more frightening is that it seems possible that he may actually stay in office, if the Democrats don't pull their act together. I (and by "I," I mean "Evan") found a selector to let you know which of the many candidates vying for the various parties' nominations is most compatible with your personal views. I don't know if it's accurate or not, but at least the name links provide succinct summaries of each of the candidates' views, so you can be well-informed. Four more years of this idiocy, and we'll all be living in bunkers like the militia men in Montana we all laughed at for being paranoid.

My results from the Presidential Candidate Selector:
01. (100%) Kucinich, Cong. Dennis, OH - Democrat
02. (89%) Gephardt, Cong. Dick, MO - Democrat
03. (86%) Edwards, Senator John, NC - Democrat
04. (84%) Moseley-Braun, Former Senator Carol, IL - Democrat
05. (83%) Sharpton, Reverend Al - Democrat
06. (78%) Kerry, Senator John, MA - Democrat
07. (75%) Lieberman, Senator Joe, CT - Democrat
08. (74%) Libertarian Candidate
09. (74%) Dean, Gov. Howard, VT - Democrat
10. (73%) Graham, Senator Bob, FL - Democrat

Tags: bush, iraq, memes, politics, rants
Mood of the Moment: angry
Auditory Hallucination: Electric Avenue

I just found this quiz over in my magic index friend mrpuzuzu's journal, and it's been a while since I posted one, so here you go:

Whispering Nightmare [What sort of Nightmare are you? brought to you by Quizilla]

As long as I'm linking to random webpages that tell you about yourself, I'll add in this Religious Belief Consistency Tester that copernichris discovered. It doesn't claim that any one religion or belief system is correct; it just asks you questions and tells you if you've given inconsistent answers. Chris found this test to be "unnerving," but I enjoyed it. I did disagree with them at one point, however. They claimed that "in saying that God has the freedom and power to do that which is logically impossible (like creating square circles), you are saying that any discussion of God and ultimate reality cannot be constrained by basic principles of rationality," and that therefore any discussion of God was useless. I maintain that the belief that God has the freedom and power to change reality does not preclude rational discussions about God's behavior in this version of reality. Whether or not God could alter the rules of reality is immaterial; the rules exist, and can therefore be discussed, whether or not they are subject to change by God at a later date.

Anyway, I made it through "Battlefield God" with one direct hit, one near miss and the aforementioned disputable bullet-biting. How do your belief structures hold up?

Tags: debate, memes, religion
Mood of the Moment: contemplative
Auditory Hallucination: Batman - Fortunate Son

Well, thanks to jumpintheleaves I've decided to follow the latest LJ meme. However, since I refuse to do anything in a normal manner, rather than write short blurbs about each of the people on my friends list I've chosen to write haikus. The communities did not get their own haikus. These are in no particular order, but if you can't figure out which one is yours and you ask nicely, I might tell you.

A warning before you start:

I know my haikus
Are just counting syllables
I'm okay with that.

( On to the 43 haikus! )

Tags: funny, memes, poetry
Mood of the Moment: creative
Auditory Hallucination: Kid Rock - Bawitdaba

I am returned, I am caught up on all the blogs and comics, and I've even gotten a bit of work done! An amazing day, all told. To top it all off, I present yet another song parody, since they're much easier, and generally funnier, than writing original songs. This one will probably lose most of you, since you still haven't bothered to read Discworld, but hopefully it will inspire at least a few of you to finally start reading the series. It's not like you have to invest money in it, or anything...you can just ask to borrow my copies.

At any rate, today's song is( Patrician ), set to the tune of Fiddler on the Roof's "Tradition." If you don't know this song, go watch Fiddler on the Roof, or download the song or something. It's a great song, and you're missing out.

The post on London will be created once I get a few other things done...like unpacking, unwrapping the wedding presents which are strewn haphazardly about the house, and things of that nature. Also, speaking of presents: snapedinhalf and I have brought presents for the Baheads from London. Any Baheads who are not present on Thursday night run the risk of missing out on theirs. We've also brought presents for some other people, too, but generally we see you guys outside of the pub, so you don't get the threat levied on you. andrew_tsks, I believe I can give you a ride to Rare Olde Times on Thursday if you need one, so that you don't miss out.

Oh, and just to add a bit of color:

	

	

	

				
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How compatible with me are YOU?

Tags: funny, memes, songs
Mood of the Moment: accomplished
Auditory Hallucination: Fiddler on the Roofish "Patrician"

Once again, I've come across a quiz that I didn't plan to take, let alone post, but boredom drove me to take it, and an extremely cool answer led me to post it. Check it out:




Which Goddess Owns You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Is it weird that I find that to be a very desirable set of characteristics?

Tags: memes
Mood of the Moment: pleased
Auditory Hallucination: "Oooaaaahhhhhhhhh.....EMAIL!"

I retook the Myers-Briggs personality test today, just so I could laugh at my extreme introversion again. It's just as funny as I remember - mainly because I can act like an extrovert for hours at a time, so most of my friends are surprised by the scores.

</tr></tr></tr></tr>

I'm an INTP:

<td width="89%" bgcolor="blue">Introverted (I) 89%</td><td width="11%">Extro- verted 11%</td>

<td width="77%" bgcolor="#770000">Intuitive (N) 77%</td><td width="23%">Sensing 23%</td>

<td width="50%" bgcolor="#000000">Thinking (T) 50%</td><td width="50%">Feeling 50%</td>

<td width="68%" bgcolor="green">Perceiving (P) 68%</td><td width="32%">Judging 32%</td>

Recommended Career Path: Computer Programmer.

I wasn't planning on posting this, until I read a couple of amusing (and very accurate) things in the "About the INTPs." My favorite one was a comment about the creation of a mailing list for INTPs - despite the fact everyone thought it would be a neat idea, none of the INTPs would volunteer to run it. This is precisely why groups generally need diversification.

These personality tests never cease to amuse me. They're like interactive horoscopes - you answer a few questions, and then say, "Yeah...yeah, that's me, perfectly!" It's not like I didn't already know this about myself; I just like reading it in bulleted lists.

Tags: about me, memes
Mood of the Moment: happy
Auditory Hallucination: Right Said Fred - Stand Up For The Champions

Borrowed this from my best friend what's-his-name: ( Which of you was it? )

Tags: about me, memes, paranoia
Mood of the Moment: devious
Auditory Hallucination: Still the Reuben James

Hi, folks, and welcome to content-free Friday! Don't worry, it doesn't mean I'm not posting - it just means it's not worth reading! Today's time waster is:

FOOD-EATING BATTLE MONKEYS!

i'm a jam sandwich bender is a Garlic-Eating Magic Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 9.4 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat i'm a jam sandwich bender, enter your name:

"I'm a jam sandwich bender" is an anagram of my full name, by the way. So far, no one's beaten my jam sandwich bending skills. Who dares to face me?

Tags: memes
Mood of the Moment: amused
Auditory Hallucination: South Wind - Whistling Gypsy Rover

I have no more content today, but I found this quiz, which I think gave an excellent result:


Which OS are You?

Tags: memes
Mood of the Moment: amused
Auditory Hallucination: Lo Fidelity Allstars - Battleflag (still)

So - I came into work today, expecting to see Mike back after his week-long hiatus up in Maryland, only to find a note from Ramon telling me to come talk to him about Mike. Turns out that over the weekend, Mike got called into active service. He put in the paperwork to transfer from his old unit several months ago, but apparently his transfer was still classified as "Ongoing," which means that when they activated people, he was still on the list. He had to report to his unit in Maryland this morning at 8 o'clock, and we're waiting to hear if they're going to let him out of it or if they're shipping him over to Iraq.

Clearly, this is bad for Mike, but it's bad for me, too. On a practical level, I've got to do all the work I'd been planning to foist off on him, which puts me in a bit of a crunch. More importantly than that, though, Mike's a good guy, and I think it pretty well sucks that he basically just got screwed by the bureaucracy. At least he managed to spend last week with his family - bit of precognition going on there.

On the bright side, I found a copy of the government civilian pay chart, and I'm making just under a G-11 salary. My dad gets paid at a G-15, so I've got a ways to go yet, but it's not too bad, all things considered.

Also, for your daily dose of humor (assuming the thought police haven't arrested you for laughing at our president yet), here's an article explaining why Bush can't seem to pronounce the word "nuclear."

And, in case you have poor pattern recognition and can't figure this out for yourself, please allow this quiz to tell you what type of LJournalist I am.

You are not a diarist, you are a columist. Your journal is a collection of essays that make people think. You are not afraid to share your views with the world!

Which lj user are you?
quiz made by bijouriel

Tags: bush, daily life, memes, politics, speech
Mood of the Moment: annoyed
Auditory Hallucination: Plucky Duck - "I'll blast those Martians one by one..."