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1.99 Fnords for the First Minute - We're All Mad Here
You can tell I'm mad because I have straw in my hair.
1.99 Fnords for the First Minute
You've spent a long day running the world, pulling the strings of governmental puppets and orchestrating stock market fluctuations. You've set the stage for two new wars, brokered a trade agreement, and made sure that "Olivia" would be the most popular girl's name for the coming year. Now all you want is to relax by the fire and chat with someone who understands you, but how can you? In the entire world, there are only six other people who really understand what you do, and you know for a fact that every one of them is a conniving weasel who would stab you in the back if they could get away with it -- just as you would do to them. What's a shadow overlord to do?

At last, a solution to your problem has been created -- a website/phone line/virtual club created just for you: IllumiNaughty. Call us, and let our specially trained staff lend a friendly ear! They are contractually obligated to laugh in the right places, draw you out with intelligent questions, and generally give a flawless imitation of a trustworthy and admiring peer. And don't worry about your secrets; every employee of IllumiNaughty is bound by the strictest legal documents, blackmail threats and voodoo curses we could find.

Naturally, this sounds impossible, as otherwise you would have thought of it first. Rest assured that IllumiNaughty backs every interaction with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Unlike other businesses, which promise to provide reparations should things go wrong, we promise that nothing will ever go wrong at all. Your satisfaction is paramount, and you will be satisfied every time -- no exceptions.

Perhaps you believe that this is some kind of a clever trap. It is, obviously. But as a member of the most elite ruling class the world has ever failed to know, can you really admit to yourself that you are afraid to take the bait? Surely you can outthink whichever of your associates has hatched this ingenious plan; obviously, this could only be a plot of one of the other six. Once you divine their strategy, you'll surely be able to turn it against them. So why not start now? Call us tonight!

We know you will.

Mood of the Moment: chipper chipper
Auditory Hallucination: Amanda Palmer -- Guitar Hero

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